“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Arthur Baldwin
We live our life building alternate plans, being prepared to deal with circumstances should things not go our way. We have health insurances, life insurances, we have savings, we make sure there’s always enough food in the fridge in case we won’t be able to go shopping for a week or two. Even our cars are build with back up plans: they break when we get to close to another car, they alert us of dangers around. We take defensive driving classes to make sure we’re prepared to avert danger, we run fire drills every three months at our offices, we have CO2 alarms and smoke alarms in our homes…everything is set up so we have a back up plan for the back up plan.
Everything except love. We try to be rational, to hold back, to not get as involved, but at the end of the day, if we allow ourselves to truly love, we have no back up plan. And that’s a somewhat scary thought for all us humans, who plan for the good and for the bad, who make sure there’s always a plan B in place. What can we do? It’s not like we have the option to give up on love just to be safe…ok, maybe the option does exist, but who would actually choose that.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when you either start freaking out about having no back up plan in your love or even worse when you start holding back because you’re trying to build a back up plan.
1. Accept that love is plan A and it can’t function if there’s a plan B. The minute you start building a plan B and focusing on that plan B, you stop loving the person next to you fully and completely…you actually get to the point where you need that back up plan.
2. Build your plan A. Make your plan A so strong that you won’t even think you need a plan B.
3. Trust yourself. Believe that you are powerful and resilient enough that in the off chance that plan A fails, you will still be ok and you will be able to rebuild yourself without having a pre-established plan.
4. Don’t get over-attached to how it looks. Maybe it’s not the perfect time, maybe the circumstances are not perfect, maybe you imagined he/she will have brown hair and blue eyes and they have blond hair or no hair at all. Don’t cling to random details that bear no importance. Focus on the big picture, see the big goal.
5. Love truly. Love madly. Love deeply. Hemingway said: “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” Try it! More often than not, people will prove that they deserve your trust. And if, by chance, they don’t, then you did your part, you can move on with no regrets and no hard feelings.
The more you try to be rational in love, the more you try to have insurance and back up plans, the more you miss out on the present, on the love that you have to give and the love that you have to receive. You miss out on the most amazing things in life if you’re always focused on being safe, on not getting hurt. There is no insurance for love, nothing can guarantee that it will last, that it will grow, that you will be happy, so all you can do is love more every day, give more every day, stop keeping tabs on who gives more and who gives less. Just be LOVE.