“Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We grow up being told on one end that we need to trust and on the other to doubt. We’re supposed to trust our parents, our teachers, and later on our friends, our partners, the people next to us. Trust is always something that we project outward, never inward. A child is not taught to trust herself when trying something new – the parents will always say: Trust me, you can do it! But rarely or never say: Trust yourself, you can do it!
I’ve struggled a lot with the idea of trusting the people around me, especially after they’ve broken my trust, until I realized it’s not about trusting them. We are all people, we’re fallible, we make mistakes, we hurt other people, we’re flawed, and that’s what makes us amazing. Perfection would be so boring. And then I got it, I don’t have to trust anyone else, I just have to trust myself, trust that no matter what I will be ok, that I will always hold love in my heart, that the people around me will be amazing and trustworthy because I trust myself and I know my heart will always tell me who to trust or not.
Here are my seven steps of trusting myself even when I doubt myself and in turn being able to trust the people around me:
1. Allow yourself to look inside the doubt. Is it real or is it just your fear and anxiety getting the best of you? When it comes to you, the truth is the doubt is never real. You know that no matter what you’ve done or who you’ve been in the past, you can change that right now so the doubt is never real. However when it comes to other people, maybe your intuition is trying to tell you something. So look into it: was it a mistake? Did they hurt you on purpose? Did they do something one time or repeatedly? What are the circumstances around it? Once you can answer those questions, then you can actually understand what happens. Don’t write someone off because they made a mistake, but at the same time don’t be blind to their mistakes and always find excuses when you know in your heart that something is off.
2. Know that it’s not about you. When someone betrays our trust, we have a tendency to make it about not being deserving or worthy. Remind yourself as many times as you need to that breaking the trust is about the person who breaks the trust, not the person who gives their trust unconditionally.
3. Allow yourself to be hurt, but don’t hold on to resentment. It’s ok to be hurt and it’s ok to feel what that feels like, but holding on to the resentment does no one any good. A little mistake that was never resolved and let go of can destroy an amazing connection when we hold on to resentment.
4. Look beyond the doubt. We’re raised to live in this self-preservation and perceived safe environment so when we break our own trust or when someone breaks the trust we put in them, the automatic reaction is to pull back inside our shell and obsess about it. Look beyond that, get out of the shell, walk proud and never let doubt weigh you down.
5. Don’t carry on the doubt. Sometimes we allow doubts from the past to influence the current relationships in our lives. Even though the people we have around us now have done nothing wrong, we expect them to break our trust because other people in the past have broken our trust. View every person with fresh eyes and with an open heart, view yourself with an open heart and view even the people who have hurt you before with an open heart.
6. Never allow anyone to break down your trust. People are happier when they open their heart and trust. They don’t spend time making negative scenarios in their lives, they just enjoy everything in their lives and always expect the best. When you allow people to break your trust and hold on to that resentment and fear, you take away your happiness. You can’t be happy unless you have trust.
7. Trust first. Sometimes people need you to be the courageous one, the one who trusts with all your heart and sometimes you need to be that person too. If you understand that trust is about you, not about the other person, then you won’t have any challenge trusting first, opening your heart, allowing love and allowing other people in.
I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m not saying it won’t take some practice until you get to the point where you can trust yourself even when you doubt yourself; all I’m saying is that it’s worth it. Give it a try, see what happens, allow yourself to see the beauty behind the flaws whether it’s your flaws or the flaws of someone else. Take a deep breath in, inhale love and trust and exhale all your doubts. The most amazing things in life are based on trust, having an extraordinary life requires us to trust ourselves and trust the people we’ve chosen to have by our side.
Trust that your intuition will tell you when it’s time to let go of certain people and keep others in your life, stop making end of the world scenarios of how things could go wrong how you could disappoint yourself or other people could disappoint you, stop bringing that in your heart. People will be astonishing and flawed at the same time and you will be that way too.
All I can say is that when you get to the point in your life when you can trust yourself even when you doubt yourself, you will be surrounded by amazing people who are worthy of your trust and love, not just because of who they are, but because of who you are. You will create a world of love and trust around you and the mistakes, the flaws will be just passing clouds in the sky. You will look in your heart and in your life and feel surrounded by the most amazing people in the world because they are part of the world you created.
We don’t have to be perfect to be great.